11 Food Tips for Your Wedding
Reprinted from Soundvison Islamic Information and Products
Food is the key element of almost any party, whether it's a wedding or any other social occasion.
For Muslim weddings, it is important to remember that a Walima is Sunnah, and food is normally served on this happy occasion. There are a couple of things to consider here:
1. Start planning well in advance
You may think food is something that should only take a couple of days or weeks to plan. Not so.
You will need to book catering services or make arrangements for food at least a couple of months in advance if you want things to work out in an efficient and organized way. There are a lot of details involved, so don't wait until the last minute to do this!
2. Write down all the things involved in food preparation
This includes cooking the food, getting waiters and waitresses to serve the food, deciding what kind of menu you want, how you want the food to look, etc.
Write down all of the tasks involved so you can get a clear picture of exactly what needs to be done.
3. Select a wedding food committee
This committee is responsible for taking care of all food arrangements for the wedding. It must work in consultation with you. You will make the main decisions, but they will take care of the details including booking caterers, getting servers, etc. Get a friend with experience in this field to be in charge of this committee. Make sure to give them a written list of things to do.
A note of warning though: make sure that once the caterer has been booked, the food committee doesn't meddle unnecessarily in the arrangements.
Let the professionals handle their territory in the way they know best. The wedding committee should just take care of booking the caterers, providing them with the right guidelines for food preparation, and occasionally checking up on them.
4. Establish a budget
How much should you really spend on wedding food?
This can only be determined after careful research. If you've started planning on time and you've got your food committee in place, give them a deadline to get this information to you by (i.e. the cost of catering, servers, etc.).
Then once you have the options in front of you, you can decide how much you're willing to spend on food for the wedding.
Islamically, weddings should be simple. Consider this Hadith: 'The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed". (Mishkat)
5. Decide if you want to cook the meal yourself or cater
There are advantages and disadvantages to each option.
a. Cooking your own food:
Advantages:
you offer exactly the kind of food you know your guests will like
you could save more money
you can offer your own personal touch to the menu
Disadvantages:
you will be taking on a lot of work with no professional staff to help you
you must remember that cooking involves not just making the food, but ensuring that all utensils and wedding table paraphernalia are set up properly
you will have to work out how the food is going to be served
b. Catering:
Advantages:
you have one less burden to worry about-caterers usually take care of all details related to preparing the meal, utensils, etc. but confirm this with them
catering can lend a more professional look to your wedding
they may have special arrangements to keep food warm until it is served to guests.
Disadvantages:
it can be expensive
you could be restricted to the menus the caterers are offering
6. "Fats, oils & sweets: USE SPARINGLY!"
This was the title of a section of the food pyramid guide which is used to teach about good nutrition.
If you can cut back on these things in the wedding menu for the benefit of ALL guests (those with heart conditions, diabetes, etc. and those who don't have these problems) you will be doing everyone a favor.
For instance, for meat, try using lean meat in dishes. You can reduce oil in rice and other foods.
For dessert, instead of serving the traditional ones which may be dripping with syrupy sweet goo or are full of fattening cream (i.e. most wedding cakes) consider servings of fresh fruit. This is a really good option in summer, especially.
7. If you're catering make sure they will allow you to use your own meat
This is important for those Muslims conscious about eating Zabiha meat. Make sure that you have the option of providing meat to the caterers for you meal. If not, consider switching to another caterer.
8. Ensure the food will be warm when it is served What could be more disappointing than cold, unappetizing wedding food?
There are different ways of getting around this problem. If you decide to get the wedding food catered, discuss this issue with the caterers and see what solution they propose. Some places may arrange for burners to keep the food warm throughout the wedding.
If you are cooking yourself, you can also look into renting burners for this purpose, but check with the wedding hall administrators to ensure they don't have any restrictions about this (they may say no to burners if they feel it is a fire hazard to have them there).
If burners are not an option, another way of getting around this dilemma is to ensure the hall you book has an oven and microwave, preferably more than one. That way food can be warmed in time for the meal. The drawback of this approach though is that it will require a number of people to efficiently warm the food in time for serving.
9. Diversify your menu
Should you serve a traditional Middle Eastern, Indian, Malaysian, or American menu?
Living in a country that's a "melting pot" gives you the advantage of serving guests food of different ethno-cutural backgrounds.
Even if the bride and the groom are of the same cultural background, it should be remembered that not all of the guests may be. Also, kids today may be of different cultural backgrounds, but when it comes to food, hamburgers, pizza and french fries, for instance, are favorites across the board.
You don't have to have an entirely Turkish or Pakistani menu. You can have the main meal of one ethnic background and the dessert of another.
Also, don't forget to take into account the needs of those with certain dietary restrictions. Can you offer a sugar-free dessert for the benefit of guests who have diabetes? Can you cut back on lots of rich, fatty food for the benefit of everyone, especially the heart patients among your guests?
10. Decide how the food is going to be served
There are different ways caterers serve food at weddings and other such occasions. These include the following:
American service: individual plates are prepared and hand-delivered to guests. You will need lots of organized servers for this to work properly and efficiently
Buffet style: long tables of food are set up and guests serve themselves. This is actually an option that can save you money because fewer servers are necessary. Also, less food is wasted, since guests take only as much as they want, instead of being stuck with a specific portion
Family style: in this setup, large platters of food are brought to each table and people help themselves. This can be helpful if you have families coming, but it will obviously require servers, which will cost more money
11. Take into account clean up
When you're booking caterers, make sure they are willing to take care of cleanup as well. Otherwise, you, your family and friends may have to end up washing dishes on the wedding day when you've got more important things to look after
Thursday, 24 February 2011
Muslim World Marriage Customs
Muslim World Marriage Customs
by Amber Rehman
In the Muslim world, marriage customs and traditions vary as much as the colors in a rainbow.
All retain the Islamic obligatory acts, which make a marriage valid and include other practices, which are individual to their surrounding cultures.
Here are customs from some parts of the Muslim world. Please note: not all Muslim marriage customs are necessarily in line with Islamic values.
India and Pakistan
In the Indian subcontinent, a marriage is reserved to three days of customs and traditions.
The Mehndi is the event where you put henna on the bride and groom's hands. Marked by traditional songs and dances, it sometimes extends to two days - one day over at the groom's place to put henna on his hand and the second day over at the bride's house to put henna on hers.
The actual Nikah is called a Shadi, which is traditionally done by the bride's side. This is the signing of official paperwork in the presence of an Imam.
After signing these papers and doing some religious ceremony, the couple is declared husband and wife. To celebrate, guests eat of the many lavish dishes that are served.
To announce the marriage officially the Walima takes place as a feast given by the groom's family. Both husband and wife welcome the guests and mingle with them while people eat dinner.
The United Arab Emirates (UAE)
As a tradition in the UAE, the setting of the wedding date marks the beginning of the bride's preparation for her wedding.
Although the groom is also put through a series of preparations, the bride's are more elaborate and time consuming.
She is lavished with all sorts of traditional oils and perfumes from head to toe. Traditionally, she is not seen for forty days by anyone except for family members as she rests at home in preparation for her wedding day.
During the week which precedes the wedding, traditional music, continuous singing and dancing take place, reflecting the joy shared by the bride and the groom's families.
Laylat Al Henna (literally, the night of the henna), which takes place a few days before, is very special night for the bride, since it is a ladies' night only.
On this night, the bride's hands and feet are decorated with henna. The back-to-back feasts and celebrations involve both men and women who usually celebrate separately.
Egypt
Egypt has been exposed to many civilizations, such as the Greek, Roman and Islamic ones. The marriage customs of Egyptians make it easy for a couple to get to know one another, for the families meet often.
It starts by the suitor's parents visiting his fiancee's house to get her family approval to complete the marriage and reaching an agreement, which contains two main items: an amount of money, called Mahr, paid by the suitor to his fiancee's family to help them prepare the furniture of their daughter and a valuable jewelry gift, called Shabka, given by the suitor to his fiancee. The value of this gift depends on the financial and social levels of the suitor's family.
When the two parties complete the agreement, they fix an appointed date for the engagement party.
When the house of the new family becomes ready, the two families fix a date for the wedding party.
The night before wedding day, the relatives, friends and neighbors get together to celebrate "the Henna Night".
The next day, the marriage contract is signed and registered. After sunset, the wedding party starts and the couple wears their best dresses and jewelry.
Malaysia
In the Malaysian tradition, the bride and groom are treated as "king and queen for a day".
During the betrothal, the pre-wedding meeting between the bride and the groom's parents, the dowry that will be given to the bride is determined as well as the date of the solemnization.
The berinai (henna application) ceremony is held prior to the wedding. The bride's palms and feet are 'decorated' with the dye from the henna leaves.
Akad Nikah, which is the signing of the contract, is normally presided over by a Kadhi, a religious official of the Syariat (Shariat) Court. A small sum of money called the Mas Kahwin seals the contract.
The recent trend is to hold the solemnization in the mosque as was performed during the Prophet Muhammad's time (peace and blessings be upon him).
Singapore
In the tradition of Singapore, the Mak Andam (beautician) as well as members of the bride's family will waylay the groom and ask for an 'entrance fee after the bride is ready.
Only when they are satisfied with the amount would they allow the groom to see his bride.
After successfully overcoming the 'obstacles', the marriage ceremonies take place. Relatives sprinkle petals and rice (fertility symbols) on the couple seated on the 'throne'.
Reprinted from Soundvision
by Amber Rehman
In the Muslim world, marriage customs and traditions vary as much as the colors in a rainbow.
All retain the Islamic obligatory acts, which make a marriage valid and include other practices, which are individual to their surrounding cultures.
Here are customs from some parts of the Muslim world. Please note: not all Muslim marriage customs are necessarily in line with Islamic values.
India and Pakistan
In the Indian subcontinent, a marriage is reserved to three days of customs and traditions.
The Mehndi is the event where you put henna on the bride and groom's hands. Marked by traditional songs and dances, it sometimes extends to two days - one day over at the groom's place to put henna on his hand and the second day over at the bride's house to put henna on hers.
The actual Nikah is called a Shadi, which is traditionally done by the bride's side. This is the signing of official paperwork in the presence of an Imam.
After signing these papers and doing some religious ceremony, the couple is declared husband and wife. To celebrate, guests eat of the many lavish dishes that are served.
To announce the marriage officially the Walima takes place as a feast given by the groom's family. Both husband and wife welcome the guests and mingle with them while people eat dinner.
The United Arab Emirates (UAE)
As a tradition in the UAE, the setting of the wedding date marks the beginning of the bride's preparation for her wedding.
Although the groom is also put through a series of preparations, the bride's are more elaborate and time consuming.
She is lavished with all sorts of traditional oils and perfumes from head to toe. Traditionally, she is not seen for forty days by anyone except for family members as she rests at home in preparation for her wedding day.
During the week which precedes the wedding, traditional music, continuous singing and dancing take place, reflecting the joy shared by the bride and the groom's families.
Laylat Al Henna (literally, the night of the henna), which takes place a few days before, is very special night for the bride, since it is a ladies' night only.
On this night, the bride's hands and feet are decorated with henna. The back-to-back feasts and celebrations involve both men and women who usually celebrate separately.
Egypt
Egypt has been exposed to many civilizations, such as the Greek, Roman and Islamic ones. The marriage customs of Egyptians make it easy for a couple to get to know one another, for the families meet often.
It starts by the suitor's parents visiting his fiancee's house to get her family approval to complete the marriage and reaching an agreement, which contains two main items: an amount of money, called Mahr, paid by the suitor to his fiancee's family to help them prepare the furniture of their daughter and a valuable jewelry gift, called Shabka, given by the suitor to his fiancee. The value of this gift depends on the financial and social levels of the suitor's family.
When the two parties complete the agreement, they fix an appointed date for the engagement party.
When the house of the new family becomes ready, the two families fix a date for the wedding party.
The night before wedding day, the relatives, friends and neighbors get together to celebrate "the Henna Night".
The next day, the marriage contract is signed and registered. After sunset, the wedding party starts and the couple wears their best dresses and jewelry.
Malaysia
In the Malaysian tradition, the bride and groom are treated as "king and queen for a day".
During the betrothal, the pre-wedding meeting between the bride and the groom's parents, the dowry that will be given to the bride is determined as well as the date of the solemnization.
The berinai (henna application) ceremony is held prior to the wedding. The bride's palms and feet are 'decorated' with the dye from the henna leaves.
Akad Nikah, which is the signing of the contract, is normally presided over by a Kadhi, a religious official of the Syariat (Shariat) Court. A small sum of money called the Mas Kahwin seals the contract.
The recent trend is to hold the solemnization in the mosque as was performed during the Prophet Muhammad's time (peace and blessings be upon him).
Singapore
In the tradition of Singapore, the Mak Andam (beautician) as well as members of the bride's family will waylay the groom and ask for an 'entrance fee after the bride is ready.
Only when they are satisfied with the amount would they allow the groom to see his bride.
After successfully overcoming the 'obstacles', the marriage ceremonies take place. Relatives sprinkle petals and rice (fertility symbols) on the couple seated on the 'throne'.
Reprinted from Soundvision
Weddings: A Time to Thank Allah
Weddings: A Time to Thank Allah
By Muhammad Ash-Shareef
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” - Surah Ar-Rum, 21
In this time of happiness, when gifts are received, hugs are generously donated, and laughter sprinkles the tables, we must remember who gave this all to us.
In this verse, Yamtann Allahu Alayna – Allah reminds of us of His favour upon us. Every husband in this room, it is Allah that created your bride. Every bride in this room, Allah created your husband. Allah created the pairs and then blessed the pair with love and mercy.
Then Allah says: “Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought”. Let’s take the time now to give a little thought to Allah’s favour upon us.
Sulayman – alayhis salam – sat his son down one day and taught him about Allah and life. Allah mentions what he said:
"And We enjoined upon man (care) for his parents. His mother carried him, (increasing her) in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years: Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to me is the (final) destination.”
Thank Allah:
1. Every thing that you enjoy, everything that you love is from Allah:
“And whatever you have of blessing (indeed) it is from Allah!”
2. Thank Allah, remember Him and He will remember you. Allahu akbar!
“Remember me and I shall remember you, and be thankful to Me and do not be ungrateful.”
3. Allah will give us more when we are thankful:
“And (remember) when your lord proclaimed, ‘if you are grateful, I will surely increase you; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.”
I’ve heard of Muslims that regularly donate half a million dollars to the Democratic Party to have their picture taken with Clinton and his wife! They place these pictures up in the middle of their homes in all pride and honour.
Yet to every parent, let me draw your attention the most noble picture to put up in your home. Allah ta’ala put His majesty and every parent in this world in a portrait: “Be grateful to Me and to your Parents!”
Scholars have said that being grateful to Allah is to be grateful for the Iman that He has blessed us with. And to be thankful to our parents is to be grateful for the hard work they went through to raise us.
Ibn Abbas raa said, “There are three things that will not be accepted if it’s mate is not fulfilled. (And he mentioned), “Thank Me (Allah) and your Parents...” – Luqmaan 31/14.
Ibn Abbaas continued, “Thus whoever thanks Allah and is not thankful to his parents, Allah will not accept it from him.”
The scholars understood this and set the example for us. Haywah bin Shurayh (ra), one of the Imam’s of our Ummah, used to give classes in front of his home. During the class, his Mother would call him to feed the chickens. He would stand up, leave the Halaqah, and go feed the chickens.
Sufyan ibn Uyaynah – one of the Ummah’s greatest scholars – said, “Whoever prays the 5 salah has been grateful to Allah. And whoever prays for his parents after the Salah has been grateful to them.”
My mother in Law, Ali’s mother once told me about when Ali was young. He would come home from school, run up to her and give her the strongest hug. Then he would top it off with, “Mummy I love you.” She would mention the story and then let a tear drop.
As we get older, words like ‘I love you’ become harder for us to say. Yet as much as it becomes harder for us to say, as much as it becomes more precious to the parents.
I ask Allah ta’ala that we not forget this innocence, when we were without sin, when we used to bring a smile to our parents.
Let’s keep making them smile. And In doing so, we would be thanking Allah
By Muhammad Ash-Shareef
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” - Surah Ar-Rum, 21
In this time of happiness, when gifts are received, hugs are generously donated, and laughter sprinkles the tables, we must remember who gave this all to us.
In this verse, Yamtann Allahu Alayna – Allah reminds of us of His favour upon us. Every husband in this room, it is Allah that created your bride. Every bride in this room, Allah created your husband. Allah created the pairs and then blessed the pair with love and mercy.
Then Allah says: “Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought”. Let’s take the time now to give a little thought to Allah’s favour upon us.
Sulayman – alayhis salam – sat his son down one day and taught him about Allah and life. Allah mentions what he said:
"And We enjoined upon man (care) for his parents. His mother carried him, (increasing her) in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years: Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to me is the (final) destination.”
Thank Allah:
1. Every thing that you enjoy, everything that you love is from Allah:
“And whatever you have of blessing (indeed) it is from Allah!”
2. Thank Allah, remember Him and He will remember you. Allahu akbar!
“Remember me and I shall remember you, and be thankful to Me and do not be ungrateful.”
3. Allah will give us more when we are thankful:
“And (remember) when your lord proclaimed, ‘if you are grateful, I will surely increase you; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.”
I’ve heard of Muslims that regularly donate half a million dollars to the Democratic Party to have their picture taken with Clinton and his wife! They place these pictures up in the middle of their homes in all pride and honour.
Yet to every parent, let me draw your attention the most noble picture to put up in your home. Allah ta’ala put His majesty and every parent in this world in a portrait: “Be grateful to Me and to your Parents!”
Scholars have said that being grateful to Allah is to be grateful for the Iman that He has blessed us with. And to be thankful to our parents is to be grateful for the hard work they went through to raise us.
Ibn Abbas raa said, “There are three things that will not be accepted if it’s mate is not fulfilled. (And he mentioned), “Thank Me (Allah) and your Parents...” – Luqmaan 31/14.
Ibn Abbaas continued, “Thus whoever thanks Allah and is not thankful to his parents, Allah will not accept it from him.”
The scholars understood this and set the example for us. Haywah bin Shurayh (ra), one of the Imam’s of our Ummah, used to give classes in front of his home. During the class, his Mother would call him to feed the chickens. He would stand up, leave the Halaqah, and go feed the chickens.
Sufyan ibn Uyaynah – one of the Ummah’s greatest scholars – said, “Whoever prays the 5 salah has been grateful to Allah. And whoever prays for his parents after the Salah has been grateful to them.”
My mother in Law, Ali’s mother once told me about when Ali was young. He would come home from school, run up to her and give her the strongest hug. Then he would top it off with, “Mummy I love you.” She would mention the story and then let a tear drop.
As we get older, words like ‘I love you’ become harder for us to say. Yet as much as it becomes harder for us to say, as much as it becomes more precious to the parents.
I ask Allah ta’ala that we not forget this innocence, when we were without sin, when we used to bring a smile to our parents.
Let’s keep making them smile. And In doing so, we would be thanking Allah
Women's Rights in the
Women's Rights in the
Islamic Prenuptial Agreement:
Use Them or Lose Them
by Rabia Mills
And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. [Qur'an 30:21 Yusuf Ali translation]
A great deal of heartache can be avoided by a woman in her marriage if she, as the bride-to-be, agrees to and signs a carefully considered Prenuptial Agreement (also known as a Marriage Contract or Domestic Contract) that guards her rights before entering into wedlock. This is the crucial first step which will guarantee her rights throughout her marriage, because if problems should arise later on in the marriage, ignorance of the law will not be allowed as an excuse for the woman's failure to secure her rights. The Prenuptial Agreement can also guarantee a woman many of her Islamic rights, which can be enforceable by law(1) even if she lives in a western country. Arguably women's Islamic rights are more fair and equitable than the secular woman's rights in the west, so it makes sense to know just what her Islamic rights are and how they can be relinquished should she neglect to claim them before marriage.(2) A great deal of misinformation abounds concerning the Prenuptial Agreement and women's Islamic rights. Insha'Allah, this article will set the record straight, as much as possible, about what her Islamic rights are, and how to protect them with a carefully considered Prenuptial Agreement.
For the most part, we will address the western Muslim woman who is not only required to obey the Shar'iah, but who must also comply with the secular laws of her own country. However, we will touch briefly upon a few major issues which affect women living in Eastern countries where polygyny (3) and other such Muslim laws are extant. Because of the diversity of laws from country to country, we can only discuss the Muslim woman's rights in a general as opposed to specific fashion.
To be enforceable by law, a Prenuptial Agreement must also comply with the laws of the country (as distinct from the Islamic Law of the Shar'iah) in which it is drawn up and signed. This will guarantee that the agreement will be legally binding on both the husband and the wife, and should problems should later arise, the spouse will have protection under the law of his or her own country. It is therefore advisable for the couple to have at least a rudimentary understanding of the laws of their own respective countries in which they live.
Ideally it would be more advantageous for the couple to consult both a legal specialist in their own particular country and also a specialist in Islamic Law to help draw up their contract. We would suggest that the Prenuptial Agreement or Marriage Contract be drawn up by a religious leader in your community (i.e. the Imam of your local mosque might be able to help) and then checked over by each of the bride and groom's respective lawyers. Muslim lawyers -- if available - would be preferable.
The Prenuptial Agreement - points to consider in your marriage contract
It is impossible in an article of this nature to cover all of the possible inclusions which could conceivably go into the Prenuptial Agreement, so we will focus mainly on those points which have a bearing on protecting a Muslim woman's Islamic rights.
(a) Polygyny
If a woman does not feel that she could allow her husband to marry more than one woman at the same time, then Islam allows her the right to refuse him permission to do this at the outset of their marriage, however, she must indicate this preference in the Prenuptial Agreement or she will forfeit this right under the Islamic Law. If she is uncertain as to whether or not she will be opposed to her husband marrying a second wife later on, then she could include that in the agreement and thus make it binding upon her husband that he must consult her at that time and that he must then abide by her wishes. To say nothing, however, could possibly invite more pain than gain as far as her desires are concerned.
In the West, polygamy (4) is illegal. Even so, the woman may still request that her husband not marry a second wife, and put this in the contract. This sort of request would be considered spurious in the Prenuptial Contract because men in the west are already forbidden polygyny. Nonetheless it might still prove to be a useful addition to the contract at this time because later on the couple might possibly move to a country where polygyny is legal.
Although polygyny is illegal in Canada, if a person marries more than one wife anyway, then the second wife is cut off from access to her legal rights as a wife completely (i.e. inheritance, mahr, alimony, child custody, recognition as being a wife, etc.) because the second marriage is not legally recognized whatsoever by Canadian law authorities. Therefore she will not be treated equally under Canadian law to the first wife, who could easily go to a recognized legal authority to enforce her marital rights. The second wife will have no legal recourse whatsoever from Canadian law. So this is a strong argument against Muslims marrying a second wife in a country like Canada which will neither recognize nor enforce her Islamic legal rights when it comes to polygyny. Interestingly enough, it appears that the Canadian government is not entirely opposed to polygyny when it comes to immigrants. If the husband and his wives have already been married off of Canadian soil and should they immigrate to Canada, then the extra wives will be accorded equal protection under Canadian law as the first wife.
In any case, it would be a good idea to include a clause agreeing that the marriage will not be polygynous, if this is BOTH their preferences, for clarification between the two spouses and the Muslim community. It has already been mentioned that there is always the possibility that the couple could someday live in some other country that does recognize polygyny. So the couple may want to be clear on this point.
(b) Mahr
This is the dower, or gift from the groom to the bride, of either a fixed financial amount or even a property amount and it is usually given immediately at the time of the marriage. However, either some of it or all of it may be deferred until a later time where it would become payable to the wife either upon the death or divorce of her husband. This is her Islamic right. Therefore the details of its payment should be set out very clearly in the Prenuptial Agreement for this right to be accorded to the western Muslim woman. (i.e. that a certain portion of the dower will be paid at once or within a stated period, and the remainder upon the dissolution of the contract by either death or divorce.) For example, the bride could settle an appropriate amount of dower to cover the demands of life after either a divorce or the husband's death, or she could arrange for an annuity, or a fixed monthly amount payable to her upon the occurrence of either of those two events, so long as the Canadian rule against perpetuities is not contravened. There doesn't appear to be anything in Islamic law that prohibits a wife from looking after her own interests in this way in Canada.
In the U.S.A., however, Prenuptial agreements which "facilitate divorce or separation by providing for a settlement only in the event of such an occurrence are void as against public policy." This appears to mean that according U.S. law, a woman cannot claim her dower in the event of divorce, even though she had agreed to this in her Prenuptial Agreement. So ladies, be forewarned about this issue if you happen to live in the U.S.A. [for more information click here ].
(c) Divorce
In Islam, divorce is permitted when serious differences arise which cannot be resolved through reconciliation. However, it has to be the last resort, for the Prophet p.b.u.h. has described divorce as the most detestable of all lawful things in the sight of God. Now divorce is probably the last thing in the world that a couple would want to consider when negotiating their Prenuptial Agreement, but since Islamic divorce law is far more reasonable and equitable than Western divorce law, it would be wise to commit to the Shar'iah in your Prenuptial Agreement and in the early stages of marriage. Furthermore, this is the time when a woman may claim many of her Islamic rights.
There is a misguided notion both among western nations and even among Muslims themselves that under Muslim law a woman will get nothing from her husband towards her maintenance and living expenses beyond her probationary period of Iddat. This is a very simplistic notion and is clearly misleading.
In Islam the husband may unilaterally divorce his wife at any time, without specifying any reason, and a woman may do the same as long as she acquires this right when contracting her marriage. She can do this by negotiating and demanding that the prospective husband delegate to herself (or her nominated agent) the right to divorce herself at any time without assigning any reason.(5) It should be borne in mind that the procedure relating to the pronouncement of divorce can vary depending upon which school of law is followed by the husband and wife.(6) The prospective wife can also have the husband's right to divorce her curtailed in many other ways - all by demanding and having the required legal conditions included in the marriage contract - and these conditions would be just as enforceable in a court of law as any conditions of a civil contract.
In fact, the modus operandi, even in a so-called bilateral marital breakdown situation (i.e., where both the husband and the wife mutually agree to divorce) is always for one of the two spouses to take the initiative to call the marriage off. So, in reality, marriage breakdown situations almost always entail unilateral decisions and motivations. Therefore, given that there is often an unavoidable, unilateral dimension in initiating divorce proceedings, one could argue that to let either of the two spouses have the unilateral right to divorce the other will save both of them from endless argumentation and bickering that could ultimately lead them to very expensive and emotionally charged court litigation.
Currently, if you live in Canada, the couple must first legally separate for a period of one year before divorce will be granted. It is a very complicated process and each spouse is advised to retain his or her own lawyer. At the moment, a Canadian Muslim couple cannot obtain a divorce in Canada according to Muslim Law. However, there are things which can be done to minimize the trauma and legal expense as long as BOTH the husband and wife are willing to compromise. Moreover, it would be very useful if they both had agreed to and signed a Prenuptial Agreement which had set out various prearranged issues such as child custody, maintenance, etc. and so if both the husband and the wife were willing to abide by this agreement, then the divorce could actually proceed quite smoothly.
(d) Financial Independence
According to Muslim Family Law, the responsibility for the wife's maintenance (nafqa) always remains with the husband. The wife has no corresponding obligation to support her husband. The Muslim law principle which has been jealously guarded and enforced by Muslim law courts is that a woman's property is hers alone. Period. Consequently, any property which a Muslim wife contributes towards the 'family's assets' (i.e. all the property accumulated during the marriage) remains hers alone and is not subject to division or sharing by the husband in the event of a marriage breakdown (unless otherwise agreed upon between the husband and wife). In other words, under the Muslim Law, her 'Net Family Property,' remains hers alone and with no corresponding obligation to share with her husband (unless both husband and wife have agreed to share). This is not the case in Ontario law. So to ensure that a woman's Islamic rights are protected in Canada, particularly with respect to the matrimonial home provision of the Ontario Law, it is suggested that both the husband and wife consult a specialist (i.e. lawyer who specializes in Ontario Family Law if they happen to live in Ontario) so as to explore with this lawyer the legal possibilities of accommodating the couple's wishes, as much as possible, by finding ways and means to legally circumvent the (Ontario) law with regards to the obligatory special equal sharing of the matrimonial home provision.(7)
It appears that in the U.S.A., the Prenuptial Agreement can successfully redefine each spouse's property as either separate property or community property, so the wife can specify her financial independence and ownership of property at this time. [For more details click here ]
(e) Education and Employment
Muslim women may restate their God-given Islamic rights to education and independence to work (employment, business, professions, etc.) in the Prenuptial agreement at this time which could be used beneficially both in Muslim as well as non-Muslim countries. Women in the west have already been accorded these rights by law, although in practise the husband may or may not approve of a wife either working or getting a higher education. So it would be prudent for both the husband and the wife, either in the West or the East, to be clear on this issue so as to prevent discord and unhappiness in the marriage.
The Prenuptial Agreement may also provide for religious education and upbringing of the children in accordance with Islamic Law and traditions.
Conclusion
The Prenuptial Agreement can be likened to an 'insurance policy' for both Western and Eastern Muslim couples; and for the Muslim woman who wishes to adhere to the principles of Islam, she would be well advised to carefully consider her options. The couple may not necessarily consider themselves to be very religious in practice at the present time, but this could change many years down the road because one simply cannot know one's future. So it would be a good idea to cover all your bases as it were when considering your Prenuptial Agreement.
Whether you are a woman living in an Eastern Muslim country, or a woman living in a Western secular country, a carefully considered Prenuptial Agreement will prove to be an important asset to your marriage because (and most couples don't know this) the standard Marital Contracts that Mosques use, often do not claim those rights for women that are hers and these could be lost if not agreed upon in her Prenuptial Agreement. Particularly for women who live in Eastern Muslim countries, you cannot assume that because your country is governed for the most part by Muslim Law that your Islamic rights will be specified in this standard contract or that your rights will be protected if need be by your country's law. This may not be the case.
The reason why the importance and the practical need for a Prenuptial Contract seems to be ignored by such a large segment of the Muslim population is simply beyond comprehension. This lack of appreciation for the need for a Prenuptial Agreement seems to become even more appalling if one, as a Muslim, would recognize the fact that the Muslim marriage (Nikah/aqd) is itself a civil contract. It contains the basic ingredients of a regular everyday civil contract! The whole matrimonial relationship is based upon mutual agreement and consent of both the husband and the wife. From this point of view then, whoever said "a marriage contract is like is like a blank cheque on a joint account containing almost unlimited funds" really knew what he was talking about. Just as either the husband or the wife may decide to increase or decrease the funds held in their joint account, so too can they add any number of mutual rights and obligations into their Marriage/Prenuptial Contract. Nothing is carved in stone - everything can be changed, altered and amended. All that is required is a certain amount of good will and a sincere desire to live happily ever after.
Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you from among yourselves so that you may console yourselves with them. He has planted affection and mercy between you; in that are signs for people who think things over. [Qur'an 30:21 T.B. Irving Translation]
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1. As long as they do not contravene the laws of the country in which the contract was drawn up.
2. Even in a secular western sense, the Prenuptial Agreement is considered a useful tool because it imposes clear obligations and duties on the spouse, and this in turn can lead to less conflict and friction and can also cultivate peace and harmony within the marriage.
3. Polygyny = polygamy in which a man has more than one wife at the same time.
4. Polygamy = having more than one wife or husband at the same time.
5. In other words, a wife may acquire from her husband the authorization to divorce herself from him at any time without assigning any reason. This is called delegation of authority/authorization by the husband to the wife, leaving it as her option to do what she likes, known as mashiat.
6. For example and without going into great detail, Imam Abu Hanifah is of the opinion that a divorce cannot be declared without a good reason. This means that as long as the marriage has no problems of compatibility, etc. divorce cannot be given. Imam Abu Hanifah is also of the opinion that the thrice repeated pronouncements of divorce cannot be made all at once. This means that there must be a gap of one menstrual period between each pronouncement of divorce despite his acknowledgement that even under these circumstances, the divorce will still be technically enforceable. This opinion of Imam Abu Hanifah is a minority opinion and as such does not enjoy the status of a generally accepted legal opinion (fatwa). If the husband and wife prefer to follow Abu Hanifah's minority opinion, then they are free to insert a clause to this effect in the Prenuptial Agreement.
7. This matrimonial home provision in Ontario seems to be so high handed in imposing its regime that one could probably successfully challenge its constitutionality on the grounds that it is against the Right to Freedom of Religion which is guaranteed by the Charter of Rights and Freedoms.
Islamic Prenuptial Agreement:
Use Them or Lose Them
by Rabia Mills
And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. [Qur'an 30:21 Yusuf Ali translation]
A great deal of heartache can be avoided by a woman in her marriage if she, as the bride-to-be, agrees to and signs a carefully considered Prenuptial Agreement (also known as a Marriage Contract or Domestic Contract) that guards her rights before entering into wedlock. This is the crucial first step which will guarantee her rights throughout her marriage, because if problems should arise later on in the marriage, ignorance of the law will not be allowed as an excuse for the woman's failure to secure her rights. The Prenuptial Agreement can also guarantee a woman many of her Islamic rights, which can be enforceable by law(1) even if she lives in a western country. Arguably women's Islamic rights are more fair and equitable than the secular woman's rights in the west, so it makes sense to know just what her Islamic rights are and how they can be relinquished should she neglect to claim them before marriage.(2) A great deal of misinformation abounds concerning the Prenuptial Agreement and women's Islamic rights. Insha'Allah, this article will set the record straight, as much as possible, about what her Islamic rights are, and how to protect them with a carefully considered Prenuptial Agreement.
For the most part, we will address the western Muslim woman who is not only required to obey the Shar'iah, but who must also comply with the secular laws of her own country. However, we will touch briefly upon a few major issues which affect women living in Eastern countries where polygyny (3) and other such Muslim laws are extant. Because of the diversity of laws from country to country, we can only discuss the Muslim woman's rights in a general as opposed to specific fashion.
To be enforceable by law, a Prenuptial Agreement must also comply with the laws of the country (as distinct from the Islamic Law of the Shar'iah) in which it is drawn up and signed. This will guarantee that the agreement will be legally binding on both the husband and the wife, and should problems should later arise, the spouse will have protection under the law of his or her own country. It is therefore advisable for the couple to have at least a rudimentary understanding of the laws of their own respective countries in which they live.
Ideally it would be more advantageous for the couple to consult both a legal specialist in their own particular country and also a specialist in Islamic Law to help draw up their contract. We would suggest that the Prenuptial Agreement or Marriage Contract be drawn up by a religious leader in your community (i.e. the Imam of your local mosque might be able to help) and then checked over by each of the bride and groom's respective lawyers. Muslim lawyers -- if available - would be preferable.
The Prenuptial Agreement - points to consider in your marriage contract
It is impossible in an article of this nature to cover all of the possible inclusions which could conceivably go into the Prenuptial Agreement, so we will focus mainly on those points which have a bearing on protecting a Muslim woman's Islamic rights.
(a) Polygyny
If a woman does not feel that she could allow her husband to marry more than one woman at the same time, then Islam allows her the right to refuse him permission to do this at the outset of their marriage, however, she must indicate this preference in the Prenuptial Agreement or she will forfeit this right under the Islamic Law. If she is uncertain as to whether or not she will be opposed to her husband marrying a second wife later on, then she could include that in the agreement and thus make it binding upon her husband that he must consult her at that time and that he must then abide by her wishes. To say nothing, however, could possibly invite more pain than gain as far as her desires are concerned.
In the West, polygamy (4) is illegal. Even so, the woman may still request that her husband not marry a second wife, and put this in the contract. This sort of request would be considered spurious in the Prenuptial Contract because men in the west are already forbidden polygyny. Nonetheless it might still prove to be a useful addition to the contract at this time because later on the couple might possibly move to a country where polygyny is legal.
Although polygyny is illegal in Canada, if a person marries more than one wife anyway, then the second wife is cut off from access to her legal rights as a wife completely (i.e. inheritance, mahr, alimony, child custody, recognition as being a wife, etc.) because the second marriage is not legally recognized whatsoever by Canadian law authorities. Therefore she will not be treated equally under Canadian law to the first wife, who could easily go to a recognized legal authority to enforce her marital rights. The second wife will have no legal recourse whatsoever from Canadian law. So this is a strong argument against Muslims marrying a second wife in a country like Canada which will neither recognize nor enforce her Islamic legal rights when it comes to polygyny. Interestingly enough, it appears that the Canadian government is not entirely opposed to polygyny when it comes to immigrants. If the husband and his wives have already been married off of Canadian soil and should they immigrate to Canada, then the extra wives will be accorded equal protection under Canadian law as the first wife.
In any case, it would be a good idea to include a clause agreeing that the marriage will not be polygynous, if this is BOTH their preferences, for clarification between the two spouses and the Muslim community. It has already been mentioned that there is always the possibility that the couple could someday live in some other country that does recognize polygyny. So the couple may want to be clear on this point.
(b) Mahr
This is the dower, or gift from the groom to the bride, of either a fixed financial amount or even a property amount and it is usually given immediately at the time of the marriage. However, either some of it or all of it may be deferred until a later time where it would become payable to the wife either upon the death or divorce of her husband. This is her Islamic right. Therefore the details of its payment should be set out very clearly in the Prenuptial Agreement for this right to be accorded to the western Muslim woman. (i.e. that a certain portion of the dower will be paid at once or within a stated period, and the remainder upon the dissolution of the contract by either death or divorce.) For example, the bride could settle an appropriate amount of dower to cover the demands of life after either a divorce or the husband's death, or she could arrange for an annuity, or a fixed monthly amount payable to her upon the occurrence of either of those two events, so long as the Canadian rule against perpetuities is not contravened. There doesn't appear to be anything in Islamic law that prohibits a wife from looking after her own interests in this way in Canada.
In the U.S.A., however, Prenuptial agreements which "facilitate divorce or separation by providing for a settlement only in the event of such an occurrence are void as against public policy." This appears to mean that according U.S. law, a woman cannot claim her dower in the event of divorce, even though she had agreed to this in her Prenuptial Agreement. So ladies, be forewarned about this issue if you happen to live in the U.S.A. [for more information click here ].
(c) Divorce
In Islam, divorce is permitted when serious differences arise which cannot be resolved through reconciliation. However, it has to be the last resort, for the Prophet p.b.u.h. has described divorce as the most detestable of all lawful things in the sight of God. Now divorce is probably the last thing in the world that a couple would want to consider when negotiating their Prenuptial Agreement, but since Islamic divorce law is far more reasonable and equitable than Western divorce law, it would be wise to commit to the Shar'iah in your Prenuptial Agreement and in the early stages of marriage. Furthermore, this is the time when a woman may claim many of her Islamic rights.
There is a misguided notion both among western nations and even among Muslims themselves that under Muslim law a woman will get nothing from her husband towards her maintenance and living expenses beyond her probationary period of Iddat. This is a very simplistic notion and is clearly misleading.
In Islam the husband may unilaterally divorce his wife at any time, without specifying any reason, and a woman may do the same as long as she acquires this right when contracting her marriage. She can do this by negotiating and demanding that the prospective husband delegate to herself (or her nominated agent) the right to divorce herself at any time without assigning any reason.(5) It should be borne in mind that the procedure relating to the pronouncement of divorce can vary depending upon which school of law is followed by the husband and wife.(6) The prospective wife can also have the husband's right to divorce her curtailed in many other ways - all by demanding and having the required legal conditions included in the marriage contract - and these conditions would be just as enforceable in a court of law as any conditions of a civil contract.
In fact, the modus operandi, even in a so-called bilateral marital breakdown situation (i.e., where both the husband and the wife mutually agree to divorce) is always for one of the two spouses to take the initiative to call the marriage off. So, in reality, marriage breakdown situations almost always entail unilateral decisions and motivations. Therefore, given that there is often an unavoidable, unilateral dimension in initiating divorce proceedings, one could argue that to let either of the two spouses have the unilateral right to divorce the other will save both of them from endless argumentation and bickering that could ultimately lead them to very expensive and emotionally charged court litigation.
Currently, if you live in Canada, the couple must first legally separate for a period of one year before divorce will be granted. It is a very complicated process and each spouse is advised to retain his or her own lawyer. At the moment, a Canadian Muslim couple cannot obtain a divorce in Canada according to Muslim Law. However, there are things which can be done to minimize the trauma and legal expense as long as BOTH the husband and wife are willing to compromise. Moreover, it would be very useful if they both had agreed to and signed a Prenuptial Agreement which had set out various prearranged issues such as child custody, maintenance, etc. and so if both the husband and the wife were willing to abide by this agreement, then the divorce could actually proceed quite smoothly.
(d) Financial Independence
According to Muslim Family Law, the responsibility for the wife's maintenance (nafqa) always remains with the husband. The wife has no corresponding obligation to support her husband. The Muslim law principle which has been jealously guarded and enforced by Muslim law courts is that a woman's property is hers alone. Period. Consequently, any property which a Muslim wife contributes towards the 'family's assets' (i.e. all the property accumulated during the marriage) remains hers alone and is not subject to division or sharing by the husband in the event of a marriage breakdown (unless otherwise agreed upon between the husband and wife). In other words, under the Muslim Law, her 'Net Family Property,' remains hers alone and with no corresponding obligation to share with her husband (unless both husband and wife have agreed to share). This is not the case in Ontario law. So to ensure that a woman's Islamic rights are protected in Canada, particularly with respect to the matrimonial home provision of the Ontario Law, it is suggested that both the husband and wife consult a specialist (i.e. lawyer who specializes in Ontario Family Law if they happen to live in Ontario) so as to explore with this lawyer the legal possibilities of accommodating the couple's wishes, as much as possible, by finding ways and means to legally circumvent the (Ontario) law with regards to the obligatory special equal sharing of the matrimonial home provision.(7)
It appears that in the U.S.A., the Prenuptial Agreement can successfully redefine each spouse's property as either separate property or community property, so the wife can specify her financial independence and ownership of property at this time. [For more details click here ]
(e) Education and Employment
Muslim women may restate their God-given Islamic rights to education and independence to work (employment, business, professions, etc.) in the Prenuptial agreement at this time which could be used beneficially both in Muslim as well as non-Muslim countries. Women in the west have already been accorded these rights by law, although in practise the husband may or may not approve of a wife either working or getting a higher education. So it would be prudent for both the husband and the wife, either in the West or the East, to be clear on this issue so as to prevent discord and unhappiness in the marriage.
The Prenuptial Agreement may also provide for religious education and upbringing of the children in accordance with Islamic Law and traditions.
Conclusion
The Prenuptial Agreement can be likened to an 'insurance policy' for both Western and Eastern Muslim couples; and for the Muslim woman who wishes to adhere to the principles of Islam, she would be well advised to carefully consider her options. The couple may not necessarily consider themselves to be very religious in practice at the present time, but this could change many years down the road because one simply cannot know one's future. So it would be a good idea to cover all your bases as it were when considering your Prenuptial Agreement.
Whether you are a woman living in an Eastern Muslim country, or a woman living in a Western secular country, a carefully considered Prenuptial Agreement will prove to be an important asset to your marriage because (and most couples don't know this) the standard Marital Contracts that Mosques use, often do not claim those rights for women that are hers and these could be lost if not agreed upon in her Prenuptial Agreement. Particularly for women who live in Eastern Muslim countries, you cannot assume that because your country is governed for the most part by Muslim Law that your Islamic rights will be specified in this standard contract or that your rights will be protected if need be by your country's law. This may not be the case.
The reason why the importance and the practical need for a Prenuptial Contract seems to be ignored by such a large segment of the Muslim population is simply beyond comprehension. This lack of appreciation for the need for a Prenuptial Agreement seems to become even more appalling if one, as a Muslim, would recognize the fact that the Muslim marriage (Nikah/aqd) is itself a civil contract. It contains the basic ingredients of a regular everyday civil contract! The whole matrimonial relationship is based upon mutual agreement and consent of both the husband and the wife. From this point of view then, whoever said "a marriage contract is like is like a blank cheque on a joint account containing almost unlimited funds" really knew what he was talking about. Just as either the husband or the wife may decide to increase or decrease the funds held in their joint account, so too can they add any number of mutual rights and obligations into their Marriage/Prenuptial Contract. Nothing is carved in stone - everything can be changed, altered and amended. All that is required is a certain amount of good will and a sincere desire to live happily ever after.
Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you from among yourselves so that you may console yourselves with them. He has planted affection and mercy between you; in that are signs for people who think things over. [Qur'an 30:21 T.B. Irving Translation]
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1. As long as they do not contravene the laws of the country in which the contract was drawn up.
2. Even in a secular western sense, the Prenuptial Agreement is considered a useful tool because it imposes clear obligations and duties on the spouse, and this in turn can lead to less conflict and friction and can also cultivate peace and harmony within the marriage.
3. Polygyny = polygamy in which a man has more than one wife at the same time.
4. Polygamy = having more than one wife or husband at the same time.
5. In other words, a wife may acquire from her husband the authorization to divorce herself from him at any time without assigning any reason. This is called delegation of authority/authorization by the husband to the wife, leaving it as her option to do what she likes, known as mashiat.
6. For example and without going into great detail, Imam Abu Hanifah is of the opinion that a divorce cannot be declared without a good reason. This means that as long as the marriage has no problems of compatibility, etc. divorce cannot be given. Imam Abu Hanifah is also of the opinion that the thrice repeated pronouncements of divorce cannot be made all at once. This means that there must be a gap of one menstrual period between each pronouncement of divorce despite his acknowledgement that even under these circumstances, the divorce will still be technically enforceable. This opinion of Imam Abu Hanifah is a minority opinion and as such does not enjoy the status of a generally accepted legal opinion (fatwa). If the husband and wife prefer to follow Abu Hanifah's minority opinion, then they are free to insert a clause to this effect in the Prenuptial Agreement.
7. This matrimonial home provision in Ontario seems to be so high handed in imposing its regime that one could probably successfully challenge its constitutionality on the grounds that it is against the Right to Freedom of Religion which is guaranteed by the Charter of Rights and Freedoms.
Sunnahs of the Waleemah
Sunnahs of the Waleemah
Importance of the Wedding Feast
The husband must sponsor a feast after the consummation of the marriage. This is based on the order of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to one of his companions , Abur-Rahman ibn 'Auf (r) to do so, and on the hadith narrated by Buraida ibn At-Haseeb (r), who said: "When 'Ali (r) sought the hand of Faatimah (r) ,the Prophet's daughter, in marraige, he said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "A wedding (and in another version "a bridegroom") must have a feast." The narrator said: "Sa'ad (r) said: '(a feast) of a sheep.' Someone else said: 'Of such and such a quantity of corn." [Ahmad and at-Tabaraani: Its isnaad is acceptable as al-Haafiz Ibn Hajr says in Fathul-Baaree: 9/188]
The Sunnahs of the Wedding Feast
The following should be observed with regard to the wedding banquet:
First: It should be held ('aqb - Fathul Baaree: 9/242-244) three days after the first wedding night, since this is the tradition of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) which has reached us. On the authority of Anas (r) who said: "The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) entered upon his wife and sent me to invite some men for food." [al-Bukhaaree and al-Baihaqi].
Also on the authority of Anas (r), he said: "The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married Safiya (r), and her freedom was her dowry. He gave the feast for three days." [Abu Ya'laa and others: Hasan].
Second: One should invite the righteous to his banquet whether they be rich or poor. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Do not be the friend of any except believers, and have only the pious eat your food." [Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].
Third: If one is able, he should have a feast of one or more sheep. Based on the following hadith, Anas (r) said: "Abdur-Rahmaan (r) came to al-Madeenah, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) assigned Sa'ad ibn Ar-Rabee' al-Ansaariy (r) as his brother. Sa'ad took him to his house, called for food, and they both ate. The Sa'ad said: "O my brother, I am the wealthiest of the people of al-Madeenah (in another version: "... of the Ansaar"), so look to half of my property and take it (in another version: "... and I will divide my garden in half"). Also, I have two wives (and you, my brother in Allaah, have no wife), so look to which of mine pleases you more, so I can divorce her for you. Then upon the completion of the prescribed waiting period, you may marry her." 'Abdur-Rahmaan said: "No, by Allaah, may Allah bless you in your family and your property. Show me the way to the market-place."And so they showed him the way to the market-place and he went there. He bought and he sold and he made a profit. In the evening , he came back to the people of his house with some dried milk for cooking and some ghee. After that some time elapsed, until he appeared one day with traces of saffron on his garments. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him: "What is this?" He said: "O Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), I have married a woman among the Ansaar." The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) answered: "What did you give her for her dowry?" He answered: "The weight of five dirhams in gold." Then, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "May Allaah bless you, give a feast if only with one sheep." 'Abdur-Rahmaan said: "I have seen myself in such a state that if I were to lift a stone, I would expect to find some gold or silver under it." Anas said: "I saw after his death that each of his wives inherited one hundred thousand Dinars." [Al-Bukhaaree, an-Nasaa'ee and others].
Also on the authority of Anas (r) he said: "I never saw the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sponsor such a wedding feast as the one he gave for Zainab. He slaughtered a sheep and fed everyone meat and bread until they ate no more." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others].
It is allowed to give the wedding banquet with any food which is available and affordable, even if that does not include meat. This is based on the following hadith narrated by Anas (r): "The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stayed between Khaibar and al-Madeenah for three days during which he had entered with his wife Safiya (r). Then I invited the Muslims to his Wedding feast. There was neither meat nor bread at his feast. Rather, leather eating mats were brought out and on them were placed dates, dried milk, and clarified butter. The people ate their fill." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others].
It is commendable for the wealthy to help in the preparations for the wedding feast based on the hadith narrated by Anas (r) about the Prophet's (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) marriage to Safiya (r): "Then, when we were on the road, Umm Sulaim (r) prepared her (Safiya) for him (the Prophet and brought her to him at night, and so the the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) awoke the next morning a new bridgegroom. Then he said: "Whoever has something, let him bring it." (In another version, he said "Whoever has an excess of provisions, let him bring it.") Anas continues: "And so the leather eating mats were spread out and one man would bring dried milk, another dates and another clarified butter and so they made Hais (hais is a mixture of the above three things). The people then ate of this hais and drank from pools of rainwater which were nearby, and that was the wedding feast of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and others].
Importance of the Wedding Feast
The husband must sponsor a feast after the consummation of the marriage. This is based on the order of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to one of his companions , Abur-Rahman ibn 'Auf (r) to do so, and on the hadith narrated by Buraida ibn At-Haseeb (r), who said: "When 'Ali (r) sought the hand of Faatimah (r) ,the Prophet's daughter, in marraige, he said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "A wedding (and in another version "a bridegroom") must have a feast." The narrator said: "Sa'ad (r) said: '(a feast) of a sheep.' Someone else said: 'Of such and such a quantity of corn." [Ahmad and at-Tabaraani: Its isnaad is acceptable as al-Haafiz Ibn Hajr says in Fathul-Baaree: 9/188]
The Sunnahs of the Wedding Feast
The following should be observed with regard to the wedding banquet:
First: It should be held ('aqb - Fathul Baaree: 9/242-244) three days after the first wedding night, since this is the tradition of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) which has reached us. On the authority of Anas (r) who said: "The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) entered upon his wife and sent me to invite some men for food." [al-Bukhaaree and al-Baihaqi].
Also on the authority of Anas (r), he said: "The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married Safiya (r), and her freedom was her dowry. He gave the feast for three days." [Abu Ya'laa and others: Hasan].
Second: One should invite the righteous to his banquet whether they be rich or poor. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Do not be the friend of any except believers, and have only the pious eat your food." [Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].
Third: If one is able, he should have a feast of one or more sheep. Based on the following hadith, Anas (r) said: "Abdur-Rahmaan (r) came to al-Madeenah, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) assigned Sa'ad ibn Ar-Rabee' al-Ansaariy (r) as his brother. Sa'ad took him to his house, called for food, and they both ate. The Sa'ad said: "O my brother, I am the wealthiest of the people of al-Madeenah (in another version: "... of the Ansaar"), so look to half of my property and take it (in another version: "... and I will divide my garden in half"). Also, I have two wives (and you, my brother in Allaah, have no wife), so look to which of mine pleases you more, so I can divorce her for you. Then upon the completion of the prescribed waiting period, you may marry her." 'Abdur-Rahmaan said: "No, by Allaah, may Allah bless you in your family and your property. Show me the way to the market-place."And so they showed him the way to the market-place and he went there. He bought and he sold and he made a profit. In the evening , he came back to the people of his house with some dried milk for cooking and some ghee. After that some time elapsed, until he appeared one day with traces of saffron on his garments. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him: "What is this?" He said: "O Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), I have married a woman among the Ansaar." The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) answered: "What did you give her for her dowry?" He answered: "The weight of five dirhams in gold." Then, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "May Allaah bless you, give a feast if only with one sheep." 'Abdur-Rahmaan said: "I have seen myself in such a state that if I were to lift a stone, I would expect to find some gold or silver under it." Anas said: "I saw after his death that each of his wives inherited one hundred thousand Dinars." [Al-Bukhaaree, an-Nasaa'ee and others].
Also on the authority of Anas (r) he said: "I never saw the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sponsor such a wedding feast as the one he gave for Zainab. He slaughtered a sheep and fed everyone meat and bread until they ate no more." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others].
It is allowed to give the wedding banquet with any food which is available and affordable, even if that does not include meat. This is based on the following hadith narrated by Anas (r): "The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stayed between Khaibar and al-Madeenah for three days during which he had entered with his wife Safiya (r). Then I invited the Muslims to his Wedding feast. There was neither meat nor bread at his feast. Rather, leather eating mats were brought out and on them were placed dates, dried milk, and clarified butter. The people ate their fill." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others].
It is commendable for the wealthy to help in the preparations for the wedding feast based on the hadith narrated by Anas (r) about the Prophet's (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) marriage to Safiya (r): "Then, when we were on the road, Umm Sulaim (r) prepared her (Safiya) for him (the Prophet and brought her to him at night, and so the the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) awoke the next morning a new bridgegroom. Then he said: "Whoever has something, let him bring it." (In another version, he said "Whoever has an excess of provisions, let him bring it.") Anas continues: "And so the leather eating mats were spread out and one man would bring dried milk, another dates and another clarified butter and so they made Hais (hais is a mixture of the above three things). The people then ate of this hais and drank from pools of rainwater which were nearby, and that was the wedding feast of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and others].
The Waleemah (Wedding Feast) in Islam
The Waleemah (Wedding Feast) in Islam
By Nurul Aiman - reprinted from Mukmin.com
The waleemah is a food reception which follows the consummation of marriage, to make the marriage public. It is offered by the parents of the married couple, by their friends, or by the newly married couple themselves. Friends, relatives, and neighbors are usually invited.
The companion Anas reported that the Prophet SAW saw a trace of yellow on Abd Ar- Rahman Ibn Auf, and asked what is this? He answered: "I got married". Then, the Prophet SAW said,
"May Allah make it a blessing for you. Have a waleemah, even with only a sheep." [Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmizi, Abu Dawood and Maalik]
Since marriage is such a joyful event for the whole Muslim neighborhood, playing tambourines and having decent and allowable singing are recommended during the celebration. According to Aishah (r.a), it is a sunnah of the Prophet SAW to announce a marriage and to make it in the mosque.
Once, Aishah organised a wedding feast for a woman who wed a man from Al-Ansaar. The Prophet SAW advised Aishah to do some entertainment due to the tradition of Al-Ansaar.
We must keep in mind, however, that the marriage celebrations should not violate any Islamic law. The word entertainment in the Islamic context should not be misinterpreted.
People who attend the celebrations should not mix in any un-Islamic way. Both men and women should wear proper Islamic dress during the celebration, and the songs they sing should not contain any obscene words or words that violate the Islamic code of decency and manners. Islamic standards must be upheld regardless of the type of occasion one is participating in.
Some people have begun practicing traditions which are completely against Islamic teachings. The tradition of bringing a musical band and female dancer to dance before men is prohibited in Islam. Another un-lslamic tradition is the use of a gold ring by the groom; this was prohibited by the Prophet SAW. Silver rings are allowed for men and women, while wearing gold ornament is allowed for women only.The tradition of trading rings is borrowed from other societies, and Muslims are told not to imitate non-Muslims in such traditions.
A groom should not feel obligated to have an extravagant marriage celebration, as this is a financial burden which could leave him in debt for years to follow. This could in turn discourage men from getting married. Marriage is an occasion for presenting the new family with gifts by relatives and friends. Gifts that are given with sincerity and consent strengthen the love between people.The Prophet SAW said,
"Exchange gifts, strengthen your love of one another." [Tirmizi]
One should always keep in mind the real reason behind giving gifts -- to strengthen the mutual relationships between people. Therefore, gifts should be affordable and given to others voluntarily. Unfortunately, most have forgotten this and the gifts have become burdens on those who give them; this weakens relationships between people instead of strengthening them.
People today write down what others have given them and the prices of such presents and then feel obligated to buy that person a gift equal in value. This is completely un-Islamic, and it does not follow the teachings of the Prophet SAW. Some vary in their social positions and have different financial statuses, and feeling obligated to buy a gift equal to that presented would soon end close relationships between people of different economic backgrounds. This will in turn build social barriers.
Finally, congratulations are offered to the bride by the women around her and by her relatives and friends; the groom is congratulated by other men. The best of congratulations is that reported by Abu Hurairah that the Prophet SAW said to people who got married:
"May Allah make it a blessing for you and a blessing to you, and bring you together with all that is good." [Tirmizi, Abu Dawood and Al-Hakim]
Marriage is a sacred bond between two people people. It binds not only hearts of two persons, but two distinguished extended families. Indeed, a good start in a whole new life as a husband and wife will serve as a strong foundation for the coming future
By Nurul Aiman - reprinted from Mukmin.com
The waleemah is a food reception which follows the consummation of marriage, to make the marriage public. It is offered by the parents of the married couple, by their friends, or by the newly married couple themselves. Friends, relatives, and neighbors are usually invited.
The companion Anas reported that the Prophet SAW saw a trace of yellow on Abd Ar- Rahman Ibn Auf, and asked what is this? He answered: "I got married". Then, the Prophet SAW said,
"May Allah make it a blessing for you. Have a waleemah, even with only a sheep." [Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmizi, Abu Dawood and Maalik]
Since marriage is such a joyful event for the whole Muslim neighborhood, playing tambourines and having decent and allowable singing are recommended during the celebration. According to Aishah (r.a), it is a sunnah of the Prophet SAW to announce a marriage and to make it in the mosque.
Once, Aishah organised a wedding feast for a woman who wed a man from Al-Ansaar. The Prophet SAW advised Aishah to do some entertainment due to the tradition of Al-Ansaar.
We must keep in mind, however, that the marriage celebrations should not violate any Islamic law. The word entertainment in the Islamic context should not be misinterpreted.
People who attend the celebrations should not mix in any un-Islamic way. Both men and women should wear proper Islamic dress during the celebration, and the songs they sing should not contain any obscene words or words that violate the Islamic code of decency and manners. Islamic standards must be upheld regardless of the type of occasion one is participating in.
Some people have begun practicing traditions which are completely against Islamic teachings. The tradition of bringing a musical band and female dancer to dance before men is prohibited in Islam. Another un-lslamic tradition is the use of a gold ring by the groom; this was prohibited by the Prophet SAW. Silver rings are allowed for men and women, while wearing gold ornament is allowed for women only.The tradition of trading rings is borrowed from other societies, and Muslims are told not to imitate non-Muslims in such traditions.
A groom should not feel obligated to have an extravagant marriage celebration, as this is a financial burden which could leave him in debt for years to follow. This could in turn discourage men from getting married. Marriage is an occasion for presenting the new family with gifts by relatives and friends. Gifts that are given with sincerity and consent strengthen the love between people.The Prophet SAW said,
"Exchange gifts, strengthen your love of one another." [Tirmizi]
One should always keep in mind the real reason behind giving gifts -- to strengthen the mutual relationships between people. Therefore, gifts should be affordable and given to others voluntarily. Unfortunately, most have forgotten this and the gifts have become burdens on those who give them; this weakens relationships between people instead of strengthening them.
People today write down what others have given them and the prices of such presents and then feel obligated to buy that person a gift equal in value. This is completely un-Islamic, and it does not follow the teachings of the Prophet SAW. Some vary in their social positions and have different financial statuses, and feeling obligated to buy a gift equal to that presented would soon end close relationships between people of different economic backgrounds. This will in turn build social barriers.
Finally, congratulations are offered to the bride by the women around her and by her relatives and friends; the groom is congratulated by other men. The best of congratulations is that reported by Abu Hurairah that the Prophet SAW said to people who got married:
"May Allah make it a blessing for you and a blessing to you, and bring you together with all that is good." [Tirmizi, Abu Dawood and Al-Hakim]
Marriage is a sacred bond between two people people. It binds not only hearts of two persons, but two distinguished extended families. Indeed, a good start in a whole new life as a husband and wife will serve as a strong foundation for the coming future
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Prohibited Marriage Partners
Prohibited Marriage Partners
Under the Shari'ah, marriages between men and women standing in a certain relationship to one another are prohibited. These prohibited degrees are either of a permanent nature or a temporary. The permanently prohibited degrees of marriage are laid down in the Holy Qur'an :
And marry not those women whom your fathers married, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Lo! it was ever lewdness and abomination, and an evil way. Forbidden unto you are your mothers and your daughters, and your sisters and your father's sisters and your mother's sisters, and your brother's daughters and your sister's daughters, and your foster-mothers and your foster-sisters, and your mothers-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your mother-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom you have gone into -- but if you have not gone into them, then it is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) -- and the wives of your sons from your own loins, and that you should have two sisters together, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Allah is ever-Forgiving, Merciful. (4:22 - 24)
From the above verses, it is clear that a Muslim must never marry the following:
His mother
His step-mother (this practice continues in Yoruba land in Nigeria, where in some cases the eldest son inherits the youngest wife of his father)
His grandmother (including father's and mother's mothers and all preceding mothers e.g. great grandmothers )
His daughter (including granddaughters and beyond )
His sister (whether full, consanguine or uterine)
His father's sisters (including paternal grandfather's sisters)
His mother's sisters (including maternal grandmother's sisters)
His brother's daughters
His foster mother
His foster mother's sister
His sister's daughter
His foster sister
His wife's mother
His step-daughter (i.e. a daughter by a former husband of a woman he has married if the marriage has been consummated. However, if such a marriage was not consummated, there is no prohibition)
His real son's wife
A great wisdom lies behind these prohibitions on the grounds of consanguinity, affinity, and fosterage. No social cohesion can exist if people do not keep these prohibitions in their minds while contracting marriages.
Temporary prohibitions are those which arise only on account of certain special circumstances in which the parties are placed. If the circumstances change, the prohibition also disappears. They are as follows:
A man must not have two sisters as wives at the same time nor can he marry a girl and her aunt at the same time.
A man must not marry a woman who is already married. However this impediment is removed immediately if the marriage is dissolved either by the death of her former husband, or by divorce followed by completion of the period of 'iddah (retreat).
A man must not have more than four wives at one time. This impediment is, of course, removed as soon as one of the wives dies or is divorced.
A man must not marry a woman during her 'iddah.
Regarding this last prohibition, the Qur'an expects Muslims to act with the utmost propriety and righteousness. It lays down:
...but do not make a secret contract with them except in honourable terms, nor resolve on the tie of marriage till the term prescribed is fulfilled. (2:235)
This means that a man must not make a specific proposal of marriage to a woman during the time of her 'iddah after the death of her husband or an irrevocable divorce. However, he can send a message saying, for instance, "I wish to find a woman of good character". But if a woman is in the 'iddah of a divorce which is revocable where raja' (return) is possible, a man must not send her even an implied invitation to marry him, because she is still considered as the lawful wife of the first husband. In fact, this restriction is most beneficial because it prevents a man from becoming an instrument of breaking up a family where there are still chances of reconciliation between the wife and husband even though they are moving away from each other.
Two Suitors Seeking to Marry the Same Girl
The Prophet (peace be upon him) disapproved of two persons competing with one another to secure marriage with the same girl. This is because such a situation is likely to develop bitter enmity between two Muslim brothers.
The Prophet said,
"A believer is a brother of a believer. Hence it is not lawful for him to bargain upon the bargain of a brother, nor propose for (the hand of a girl) after the marriage proposal of his brother, until the latter (voluntarily) withdraws the proposal."
Imam Abu Hanifa, Imam Shafi'i, and Imam Malik, all hold the view that it is a sin to put a proposal of marriage against the proposal of another Muslim brother. However, if a marriage is contracted in this wrongful way it will be sufficient if the second suitor who was successful seeks the forgiveness of the first suitor and of Allah. But Imam Dhahiri considers such a marriage void. It is respectfully submitted that the former view is more rational and sound.
Under the Shari'ah, marriages between men and women standing in a certain relationship to one another are prohibited. These prohibited degrees are either of a permanent nature or a temporary. The permanently prohibited degrees of marriage are laid down in the Holy Qur'an :
And marry not those women whom your fathers married, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Lo! it was ever lewdness and abomination, and an evil way. Forbidden unto you are your mothers and your daughters, and your sisters and your father's sisters and your mother's sisters, and your brother's daughters and your sister's daughters, and your foster-mothers and your foster-sisters, and your mothers-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your mother-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom you have gone into -- but if you have not gone into them, then it is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) -- and the wives of your sons from your own loins, and that you should have two sisters together, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Allah is ever-Forgiving, Merciful. (4:22 - 24)
From the above verses, it is clear that a Muslim must never marry the following:
His mother
His step-mother (this practice continues in Yoruba land in Nigeria, where in some cases the eldest son inherits the youngest wife of his father)
His grandmother (including father's and mother's mothers and all preceding mothers e.g. great grandmothers )
His daughter (including granddaughters and beyond )
His sister (whether full, consanguine or uterine)
His father's sisters (including paternal grandfather's sisters)
His mother's sisters (including maternal grandmother's sisters)
His brother's daughters
His foster mother
His foster mother's sister
His sister's daughter
His foster sister
His wife's mother
His step-daughter (i.e. a daughter by a former husband of a woman he has married if the marriage has been consummated. However, if such a marriage was not consummated, there is no prohibition)
His real son's wife
A great wisdom lies behind these prohibitions on the grounds of consanguinity, affinity, and fosterage. No social cohesion can exist if people do not keep these prohibitions in their minds while contracting marriages.
Temporary prohibitions are those which arise only on account of certain special circumstances in which the parties are placed. If the circumstances change, the prohibition also disappears. They are as follows:
A man must not have two sisters as wives at the same time nor can he marry a girl and her aunt at the same time.
A man must not marry a woman who is already married. However this impediment is removed immediately if the marriage is dissolved either by the death of her former husband, or by divorce followed by completion of the period of 'iddah (retreat).
A man must not have more than four wives at one time. This impediment is, of course, removed as soon as one of the wives dies or is divorced.
A man must not marry a woman during her 'iddah.
Regarding this last prohibition, the Qur'an expects Muslims to act with the utmost propriety and righteousness. It lays down:
...but do not make a secret contract with them except in honourable terms, nor resolve on the tie of marriage till the term prescribed is fulfilled. (2:235)
This means that a man must not make a specific proposal of marriage to a woman during the time of her 'iddah after the death of her husband or an irrevocable divorce. However, he can send a message saying, for instance, "I wish to find a woman of good character". But if a woman is in the 'iddah of a divorce which is revocable where raja' (return) is possible, a man must not send her even an implied invitation to marry him, because she is still considered as the lawful wife of the first husband. In fact, this restriction is most beneficial because it prevents a man from becoming an instrument of breaking up a family where there are still chances of reconciliation between the wife and husband even though they are moving away from each other.
Two Suitors Seeking to Marry the Same Girl
The Prophet (peace be upon him) disapproved of two persons competing with one another to secure marriage with the same girl. This is because such a situation is likely to develop bitter enmity between two Muslim brothers.
The Prophet said,
"A believer is a brother of a believer. Hence it is not lawful for him to bargain upon the bargain of a brother, nor propose for (the hand of a girl) after the marriage proposal of his brother, until the latter (voluntarily) withdraws the proposal."
Imam Abu Hanifa, Imam Shafi'i, and Imam Malik, all hold the view that it is a sin to put a proposal of marriage against the proposal of another Muslim brother. However, if a marriage is contracted in this wrongful way it will be sufficient if the second suitor who was successful seeks the forgiveness of the first suitor and of Allah. But Imam Dhahiri considers such a marriage void. It is respectfully submitted that the former view is more rational and sound.
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